As I lay in that bed wondering if anyone would check on me I still had tears just streaming. I have never cried like that it was literally like a flood gate of emotion had opened. Just as I contemplated going against doctor's orders and get myself out of that bed Transport arrived to take me to my room. As I was being wheeled out we ran into the admitting director who had promised me that she would allow the baby to come to the hospital library where a nurse could wheel me down to nurse. That was her final offer to keep me in the hospital because at one point I threatened to leave. I told her, "No baby no Kelly!" She reassured me she would, "make that happen for me" even though the ER doc insisted she didn't understand what the big deal was, she said, "Just pop a bottle in her mouth and be done with it, my goodness why is this such a big deal?" Knowing that in just a couple hours I would get to feed and nurture my baby was the glimmer of light I needed to go on.
I arrived at my room assignment where I was greeted by the first angel I would meet along this journey. A sweet, 20 year veteran nurse greeted me with compassion yet she was a little confused. She explained that she wasn't sure why I was there because the computer said I had been admitted into the MATERNITY WARD!!!!!! But as the words were coming out of her mouth and my blood pressure began to rise (you know from yesterdays post that is where I could go and keep my little Chloe with me!) she quickly said while looking at her computer screen, "well, someone is in your file now and oh it looks like OK orders were changed and you are in the right place." She asked me what happened because she could see that I was distraught. You would have thought I was her only patient, she sat on the edge of my bed and let me tell her the whole horrible story. She even gasped in horror with me when I told her how one of the excuses they gave me for not allowing me to be admitted into maternity was because my baby was and I quote, "dirty"! She gasped and explained that "dirty" was a hospital term and never should have been used in front of me. It means that the baby has left the sterile environment of the hospital and could now expose the babies in nursery to germs. But wait, didn't they tell me that the baby would not be the patient therefore the nurses would not even come into contact with her nor would the baby be allowed in the nursery! Oh well, that is a losing battle, "they" whoever that is, had already decided not to allow me the need of keeping my newborn with me so I could nurse and care for her. She was only 7 days old! Can you tell, that got to me? OK moving on....
Anyway, she knew all the right things to say. She held my hand and even cried with me. She divulged hospital secrets to put me at ease. Things like, the ER Doc who was so mean was known to be mean by all the nurses and also known as the Doctor who hates children! No wonder she was unwilling to help me. She even explained that the reason no one came in to check on me was that someone had coded my file as a, "Volatile Patient". They were all scared of me! I was not volatile, I was a post pardum, hormonal, in a lot of pain and scared. I was never rude, I never yelled and I never spoke ugly. Yes, I was emotional and scared but I treated everyone with respect even though they had not obliged me the same. Volatile, simply because I challenged them. They lied to me numerous times, put my health at risk by allowing me to get that upset, unwilling to work with me and they denied me the basic human right of feeding and nurturing my baby. Volatile?
Well, as we wrapped up the venting session I asked her why I just couldn't go home, after all they had already started the blood thinners so I thought it was safe to go home. She quickly looked at me and said, "Honey, its not just a little clot, hasn't anyone explained this to you.?" Of course no one had so she continued, "well, in my 20 years its the biggest clot I have ever seen! It starts in your pelvis runs all the way down past your knee and back up to your pelvis!" In fact it was considered a DVT because every deep vein was affected in my left leg. So she helped me get cleaned up, go to the potty, she got me something to eat (even thought the kitchen was closed), she changed me into some fresh pajama's and just about then Eric arrived. I told him he didn't have to stay but insisted, he was afraid of what they would do to me if he left again considering what they had done while he was gone in the ER! My Pastor and his wife showed up and prayed with us, and talked with us. His wife even massaged me arms and my head to help me relax. After they left we settled in for the night, I was peaceful and knew that when I woke up I would get to see my sweet Chloe and feed her.
While I slept the admitting director pulled Eric into the hall and said she was not going to allow the baby to come and let me nurse in the library. She was sorry but he would have to tell me. When I woke up excited and happy Eric had the daunting task of telling me the news. He requested a conversation with the ER Doc and she refused to come up and see him so she called on the nurse line. She was as nasty to him as she had been to me. If this clot was this severe why wasn't a vascular surgeon called in? Why weren't they doing more? She refused his answers so he told her that he was holding her personally responsible if anything should happen to me! When I awoke anticipating seeing my Chloe Eric told me the news but you know what, my fight was gone, I was wiped, I pumped and then quietly cried myself to sleep.
The next morning I got to meet my favorite Vascular Surgeon! Unfortunately because I was post pardum and still wounded from child birth surgery was going to have to wait, I was a bleeding risk. The longer you wait the chances of pulmonary embolism and long term damages increase. We would just have to pray and believe. So that is what we did. I started a routine of
twice a day Lovenox (blood thinner) shots and waited for my next scan to see if the clot was getting smaller.
Now we wait....
I've enclosed a picture that is similar to what my leg looked like. Its not my leg but it will give you an idea of how bad it was. My leg was darker and more purple but the swelling is close to what I experienced.
"Beloved do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ's sufferings that you may also rejoice and be glad!" 1Peter 4:12-13
I arrived at my room assignment where I was greeted by the first angel I would meet along this journey. A sweet, 20 year veteran nurse greeted me with compassion yet she was a little confused. She explained that she wasn't sure why I was there because the computer said I had been admitted into the MATERNITY WARD!!!!!! But as the words were coming out of her mouth and my blood pressure began to rise (you know from yesterdays post that is where I could go and keep my little Chloe with me!) she quickly said while looking at her computer screen, "well, someone is in your file now and oh it looks like OK orders were changed and you are in the right place." She asked me what happened because she could see that I was distraught. You would have thought I was her only patient, she sat on the edge of my bed and let me tell her the whole horrible story. She even gasped in horror with me when I told her how one of the excuses they gave me for not allowing me to be admitted into maternity was because my baby was and I quote, "dirty"! She gasped and explained that "dirty" was a hospital term and never should have been used in front of me. It means that the baby has left the sterile environment of the hospital and could now expose the babies in nursery to germs. But wait, didn't they tell me that the baby would not be the patient therefore the nurses would not even come into contact with her nor would the baby be allowed in the nursery! Oh well, that is a losing battle, "they" whoever that is, had already decided not to allow me the need of keeping my newborn with me so I could nurse and care for her. She was only 7 days old! Can you tell, that got to me? OK moving on....
Anyway, she knew all the right things to say. She held my hand and even cried with me. She divulged hospital secrets to put me at ease. Things like, the ER Doc who was so mean was known to be mean by all the nurses and also known as the Doctor who hates children! No wonder she was unwilling to help me. She even explained that the reason no one came in to check on me was that someone had coded my file as a, "Volatile Patient". They were all scared of me! I was not volatile, I was a post pardum, hormonal, in a lot of pain and scared. I was never rude, I never yelled and I never spoke ugly. Yes, I was emotional and scared but I treated everyone with respect even though they had not obliged me the same. Volatile, simply because I challenged them. They lied to me numerous times, put my health at risk by allowing me to get that upset, unwilling to work with me and they denied me the basic human right of feeding and nurturing my baby. Volatile?
Well, as we wrapped up the venting session I asked her why I just couldn't go home, after all they had already started the blood thinners so I thought it was safe to go home. She quickly looked at me and said, "Honey, its not just a little clot, hasn't anyone explained this to you.?" Of course no one had so she continued, "well, in my 20 years its the biggest clot I have ever seen! It starts in your pelvis runs all the way down past your knee and back up to your pelvis!" In fact it was considered a DVT because every deep vein was affected in my left leg. So she helped me get cleaned up, go to the potty, she got me something to eat (even thought the kitchen was closed), she changed me into some fresh pajama's and just about then Eric arrived. I told him he didn't have to stay but insisted, he was afraid of what they would do to me if he left again considering what they had done while he was gone in the ER! My Pastor and his wife showed up and prayed with us, and talked with us. His wife even massaged me arms and my head to help me relax. After they left we settled in for the night, I was peaceful and knew that when I woke up I would get to see my sweet Chloe and feed her.
While I slept the admitting director pulled Eric into the hall and said she was not going to allow the baby to come and let me nurse in the library. She was sorry but he would have to tell me. When I woke up excited and happy Eric had the daunting task of telling me the news. He requested a conversation with the ER Doc and she refused to come up and see him so she called on the nurse line. She was as nasty to him as she had been to me. If this clot was this severe why wasn't a vascular surgeon called in? Why weren't they doing more? She refused his answers so he told her that he was holding her personally responsible if anything should happen to me! When I awoke anticipating seeing my Chloe Eric told me the news but you know what, my fight was gone, I was wiped, I pumped and then quietly cried myself to sleep.
The next morning I got to meet my favorite Vascular Surgeon! Unfortunately because I was post pardum and still wounded from child birth surgery was going to have to wait, I was a bleeding risk. The longer you wait the chances of pulmonary embolism and long term damages increase. We would just have to pray and believe. So that is what we did. I started a routine of
twice a day Lovenox (blood thinner) shots and waited for my next scan to see if the clot was getting smaller.
Now we wait....
"Beloved do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ's sufferings that you may also rejoice and be glad!" 1Peter 4:12-13
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