My name is Kelly Nobles, I'm 35, the wife of Eric for 14 years, mother to 4 daughters and follower of Christ. Welcome to a little piece of my life, my daily struggle of living with a DVT and all that comes with it! I am 13 months in the fight of my life. I just had my 7th surgical procedure. Over the next few months I will go back to the beginning of my battle and re-tell the story of where I was, where I am and finally where I hope to be. My heart is to be transparent and to help others. I hope to educate prevention but even more than that I would like to offer a gentle embrace to those affected by this silent killer. So welcome to my neck of the woods, may you be blessed!

Friday, April 29, 2011

The Goal is not Healing.... Post 19 DVT Testimony

My goal changed that day on my bedroom floor (from post 18).  The day I discovered the truth behind the scourging the lashings He took during the crucifixion.  The goal is no longer healing....What?  Did she really just say that healing isn't her first priority?...YUP YUP YUP!  Healing is not the first priority;  more of Jesus and less of myself is the number one goal now! 

Do I want healing?  Do I need healing?  NO DOUBT!  Here's the thing, I need Jesus more.  I never really knew what people meant when they said, "Jesus is the answer,".  I used to think; of course He is the answer to salvation, to eternity.  But now, going through this fiery trial, when there are no answers, no explanations, when the doctors will only tell you the bad you can expect but no real answers, when your friends have only opinions and advice but no concrete answers....The Bible has them.  They might not be the answers you thought you would get but answers, God's answers you will get! 

When He doesn't change your circumstance, let Him change you.  Jesus is what the Bible says He is.  He heals, He gives joy and when you have no answers run to Him in prayer and listening, to His Word and He will bathe you in His love.  Did you hear that?  Not just the prayer part but the LISTENING part.  The listening part is key and for me the hardest part to master.  When you go the extra step and surrender it all, He reveals the junk in your heart that is weighing you down.

As you read, pray and dare I say it... LISTEN, God shows up and He releases revelation, gives freedom and before you know it your joy comes in fullness.  What DVT, blood clot, what illness do I have?  Huh?  I AM HEALED as sure as I am sitting here writing this post today with this pile of medical concerns know this......I AM HEALED and you can be too!

Monday, April 25, 2011

By His Stripes....Post 18 of DVT Testimony

Has a scripture ever "jumped" off the page at you?  You know, I have heard many sermons and teachings on the crucifixion of Christ but you know, in private Bible study and time with the Lord He unlocks things in scripture that you may have heard a hundred times.  He does this because God is always on time and He desires personal relationships with us all.  He unlocks wisdom when you need it to reveal that He is in fact alive and well and cares about the details of our lives.

"But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities, upon Him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with His stripes we are healed."-Isaiah 53:5

Did you ever wonder why Jesus had to suffer the brutality of the whipping and lashing?  It's referred to as scourging.  Would God the Father allow His Precious Son suffer needlessly?  Of course the answer is NO, but what was the purpose then?  So yes, its true that His death and resurrection was needed to pay our debt to sin in full, but why the suffering?  My God, the One Who loves us the most would never allow NEEDLESS suffering for His Son Jesus and I believe that to be true for all of His children.  I mean, I am the daughter of the King of Kings are you not sons and daughters of The most High King!  OK, so why did Jesus have to suffer those "stripes"? 

His body was broken, yet no bones were broken in His whole body.  In old testament times it was considered sinful to eat of an animal that had broken bones.  Jesus, the blemish free lamb, perfect sacrifice for sin once and for all.  His body was broken during those lashings not His bones.  To make the whips for scourging, the Romans lined leather whips with broken glass, jagged bones and lead with the intent to rip flesh from the prisoners back.  Jesus, His body broken....BROKEN for us.  Death is beaten, debt of sin, paid in full. 

By "Whose stripes" are you healed?  Are you healed then?  The Bible doesn't say by His death you are healed, specifically by His STRIPES you are healed.  I believe He had to suffer that horrific torture for our healing: spiritual, emotional, mental and physical healing.  This was monumental for me to understand and grasp.  Jesus paid it, He suffered it and I was not going to allow this suffering to be in vain.  I chose to grab a hold of healing that is mine because Jesus bought it with His body for me, for all of us to have!  If we are to model our lives after Jesus; suffering will surely come but hallelujah the payment is complete and in full so we don't have to stay in our sufferings.  My whole attitude changed with this realization, this illumination of His Word.

Finally I felt freed to surrender.  I thought I had surrendered but that day on my bedroom floor with my nose buried in tear stained carpet I really let go and let God!  Now, His will and His plan could be released!

Oh Jesus, how I love you.  Thank you just doesn't seem strong enough or words worthy of what You did for us. 

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Lay it down and rest....Post 17 DVT Testimony

I am not angry, scared or upset that I still have symptoms, more challenges ahead and pain.  This not my eternity.  I have let go and let God, I have placed this trial at His feet, at the foot of the cross.  It takes tremendous faith to say, "It;s in the Lord's capable hands and He knows best," and here is the key to that statement: Rest in it, rest in the laying it down.  Do not wrestle and toil with it but rest in that it now belongs to the Lord.

We have to stop beating ourselves up when we fail.  Choosing to let go and trust can be difficult.  I wont pretend that I was able to do this flawlessly.  I have to purpose myself in this every single day, and guess what?  Some days, I pick it up again but HALLELUJAH people, I get up again the next day and successfully lay it down again.  As I have practiced this I have seen improvement.  Practice, meaning over and over, its not practice makes perfect its practice makes better!  As I have navigated through laying it down the picking it back up again, well that has greatly diminished.  As far as the length of time I hold on to it once I pick it back up again has diminished also.  I live more of my life in joy rather than in turmoil over this trial!   I believe the Lord delights in our perseverance, in our; dare I say it?, in our failures because its in our failures that we are reminded how much we need Him!  Its in our weakness that we are strong because we realize that we need to depend 100% upon our Daddy.  There is beauty in the breaking because right after the brokenness is realized the Lord is rebuilding and lifting us back up into His giant, comforting arms.  Rest and know that He is God.

Monday, April 18, 2011

Your voice, the words we choose...post 16 DVT Testimony

Part 16 of My DVT Testimony and Journey

There is a biblical principle in scripture that we as Christians use or should use to filter what we say...the power of life or death is in the tongue....speak life to a situation.  I had a hard time with this principle when speaking to individuals about my health issues.  I could not reconcile what the natural said about my health with what God says is true about my health. I really wrestled with this.  Ultimately I concluded that the two wont jive and they dont have too. 

In Genesis God created the Heavens and the Earth...Ok....how?  The Bible says, God said, "let there be light,....and God said, let there be dry land", and so on.  God spoke creation into existence, it doesnt say He waved His magic wand and poofed creation into existence, nor does it say He blinked creation into existence (the I dream of Jeannie tv buffs will catch that..wink wink). Who is it that lives in me, a believer?  Who is it that lives in you if you are a believer?  Jesus!  Who is Jesus?  Is He God?  Do we not hae the same power by the One who dwells in us!?  Did God not send us the Holy Spirit here with us?  God spoke; therefore I speak of the healing that is promised!  The manifestation of that healing is still coming but know this, we are all healed!  I can now tell you that what the doctors are saying and doing without sinking back into depression and worry. 

See here's the thing, the fact is:  I have a clot the size of Texas in my leg, a clotting disorder, resistant to blood thinners, highly sensitve veins that scar rapidly and easily, May Thurners Syndrome, Scoliosis and overall I am just a Vascular Surgeons nightmare those are the facts.  Truth is, Jesus says I'm healed.  The Bible says,"..on Earth as it is in Heaven.." and there is no pain, no sickness no death no disease and no tears in Heaven so this is the Truth.  Push come to shove, always know that Truth trumps fact every day of the week!  Peace be with you and rest in the healing that has already been purchased and freely given to you! 

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

My DVT Battle: Trials: Not if they come but when they come! post 15 DVT Testimony

My DVT Battle: Trials: Not if they come but when they come!: "I love God's Word and I love that it is always right on time! You know, I had many people unleash their opinions on me trying to enlig..."

Trials: Not if they come but when they come! post 14 DVT Testimony

I love God's Word and I love that it is always right on time!  You know, I had many people unleash their opinions on me trying to enlighten me as to why this happened to me.  I have heard things like, "what sin in your life do you have that may have caused this?", "Legalism leads to sickness..."  On the flip side I have had precious people in my life say very positive things as well.  Nonetheless, you can hear an opinion and suddenly your mind begins to wonder.  At this point in my journey I was able to go right to the Lord for answers.  I never wondered why me I did wonder why it happened but not with anger or injustice because I know we live in a fallen world.  In my pursuit I came across some great teaching.

"Beloved do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you.  But rejoice insofar as you share Christ's sufferings that you may also rejoice and be glad!"-1Peter 4:12-13.

It dawned on me that tests come and the reason they come is to show you the mess that is still in your heart.  It's called fiery trial because its like the refiners fire; it brings the impure things to the top so He, the Lord can scoop them out!  Don't misunderstand me, God did NOT make me sick, He did not send a sickness in punishment.  Nothing bad comes from Him.  I am saying that God will use this vile and disgusting thing the enemy has launched on me to make me stronger.  He will make something beautiful out of the ashes of my health.  What the enemy means to destroy me, the Lord will use to prosper me.  It's not in His nature to orchestrate a sickness but He will use it to grow you by revealing areas in your life that need some attention.  This mess in my leg will be used to glorify the Lord.  Remember the enemy launched an attack that should have killed me but my God rescued me.  My miracle; is my life spared!

I don't ask why anymore, I choose to look at it as a trial, a test.  Like any test, I will attack it with the attitude that I will pass it, and not just skim by.  I will overcome the enemy with confidence because he is under my feet, Jesus made that happen!  I will do it holding the Lords hand all the way.  The word is where your instructions are when faced with a test. 

"Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time He may exalt you.  (exalt meaning to lift you up)  Casting ALL (not some, or part but ALL) your anxieties on Him because He cares for you, be sober minded (not frantic, but clam, and clear ) be watchful (not distracted) Your adversary the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion seeking someone to devour.  Resist him, firm (not wavering or weak but firm) in your faith (see here, faith is referred as being needed during a tough time)  knowing that the same kinds of sufferings are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world (do you ever just get sick of yourself, brotherhood, taking the focus off of yourself, off of your single circumstance and the focus on the body of Christ that you are a part of, brotherhood of Christ, we are in this thing together).  and after you have suffered a little while, the God of ALL grace, who has called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will HIMSELF (stay with me, and hear this part)  RESTORE, CONFIRM, STRENGTHEN, and ESTABLISH you.  To Him be the dominion forever and ever amen!"-1Peter 5:6-11 ( I hope you enjoyed my commentary notes in the midst of this beautiful scripture :)

Makes you wanna sing Hallelujah doesn't it?!  This is the scripture that I have clung to during this whole fiasco.  When we are faced with mountains it is imperative you have a scripture or 2, or 5, or 20 to cling to.  This will help you hold the thoughts in your brain captive and stay on track, keeping your eyes on Jesus all the way! 

Monday, April 11, 2011

The Pursuit of a Great Faith post 13 DVT Testimony

If you are just tuning in for the first time, this is a story about breakthrough, and overcoming.  This is a survivors story.  Its a story of battling DVT with complications physically and spiritually, its a journey being told in a series, or chapters. I hope you find encouragement and I hope you will allow me some of your precious time and go back to read through the entire story. 

This whole attack on my health has been a mystery. My Surgeon is completely frustrated with my body and lack of progress.  He has even gotten opinions from all his colleagues and med school professors!  Still, no answers how long, how to fix it or if I will ever be able to be clot free.  I was overwhelmed with how little the professionals could tell me when, HELLO!! Who is the greatest physician of all?  Who is it that I carry with me that I asked to be my Savior?  So after slapping my head and wishing I had drank a V-8 I began to go deeper into the Word of God for some understanding.

In a previous blog I mentioned coming face to face with my unbelief and shallow faith.  As I searched the Word with intensity and purpose the faith began to build and the unbelief just began to fall away chip by chip.  Faith:  How do you get it?  The Bible says by hearing, hearing the Word so that's what I did.  I began to play worship music, the Bible on CD, reading the Word out loud, you name it I did it.  As my faith grew I began to understand it all so much better. Faith was not given to us for the good times, God designed it for the tough times.  It's easy to have faith when everything is peaches and cream.  When you are in that pit is when you find what your faith is made of!  I realized that to continue to profess my healing and believe it took a greater amount of faith in my sickly state than if the Lord had touched me immediately with healing.  This waiting to be free season has not weakened my faith at all; in all reality it has actually strengthened it.  I believe I have a greater witness because of this suffering.  I can say that I have prayed and I know God can heal me.  He has a plan and a purpose to use my sickness so I have committed myself to His will.  He knows best so I find peace and rest in that alone.  I mean His Word so clearly says that,

"No weapon that is fashioned against you shall succeed, and you shall confute every tongue that rises against you in judgement this is the heritage of the servants of the Lord and their vindication from me, declares the Lord."-Isaiah 54:17

His Word also says, "Bless the Lord o my soul and forget not all His benefits, Who forgives ALL your iniquity, Who heals ALL your diseases, Who redeems your life from the pit, Who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy...then it goes on to say that The Lord works righteousness and justice for all who are oppressed."-Psalm 103:2-6

A few things stick out to me there; the Lord forgives ALL my iniquity (sin,short-comings), heals ALL your diseases, and redeems my life from the pit.  ALL MY DISEASE, you too, not just some but ALL!  All sin He freely forgives, do you get it?  Really?  That is love, complete, whole and unconditional! 

Saturday, April 9, 2011

I caught a glimpse of Jesus post 12 DVT Testimony

I had planned to write about the next revelation I had along this journey but that will have to wait until Monday.  I had an experience with the Lord that I am just bursting to share.

I am participating in a weekend Healing Rooms International Healing Conference, that my home church is hosting as we speak.  I just finished the second session of today's classes.  In it we talked about seeing the Lord, using the Spirit of God that rests in you as a believer to tap into heaven and see Jesus.  Think about it, when you are born, its normal to be born with sight.  Its a travesty to be born without sight and its not the norm.  So, when you are re-born, when you ask Jesus into your heart and you enter into the family of God which makes you a citizen of Heaven, you are also given sight at that birth.  Its your Spiritual sight so you should be able to see with those eyes.  Make sense, I hope so.  We were practicing the activation of that sight.  The teacher asked us to close our eyes or keep them open, which ever was most comfortable and picture Jesus, he asked us to remember what He was wearing, to picture Jesus' face and to see what He was doing.  Sounds simply enough.

As I struggled to see Him I started to get irritated.  So with my eyes closed in my frustrated state I said in my heart, "So where were you last night Jesus while I was in such pain and discomfort unable to sleep?"  Now, I don't get angry with the Lord often and frankly don't even know where that came from but there it was!  Immediately following that question I saw Jesus, wearing white scrubs sitting at the foot on the edge of my side of the bed.  Whoa!  I could see myself tossing and turning and I could see Eric sleeping next to me.  I also saw Jesus gently patting my comforter where my feet would be under it and quietly whispering, "Peace, be still" to my aching leg/body!  I couldn't hear him so in the picture I saw myself get up out of bed and head for the door to go downstairs when Jesus reached over and patted Eric to wake him up.  Eric arose and called me back to bed and as I reluctantly walked back, Eric prayed for me.  After that the Lord stayed with me until I fell back to sleep.  I did have a horrible night last night.  I did wrestle with pain, discomfort, it was like I was trapped in my body and I couldn't breath!  I did get up and try to go downstairs and Eric woke up and called me back to bed just as I had reached the door to leave!  I didn't want to go back to bed but he insisted on praying for me and helping me through the pain.  I did get peaceful and I fell back to sleep very quickly and didn't wake up again till morning!  I love you Jesus!

Beloved, we serve a Good God!  He is such a magnificently big God yet  He cares about the details of our lives, He sees the needs before we do, He knows that soft spot that needs affirmation and He is a Doer!  May you be blessed, may the Father shine His face upon each and every one of you today!

"So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.  For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."  -2 Cr 4:18

Friday, April 8, 2011

A Desperate Woman post 11 DVT Testimony

Now desperation is a funny emotion and it leads to one of two paths.  If your flesh gets involved, desperation can lead to destruction.  But if you keep your eyes on the Lord it will lead to positive decisions that will reap good fruit.  I have been down both paths during this battle.  I fell into depression which stemmed from my desperation when my flesh was in charge.  But Praise be to God, I didn't stay there; I didn't take up a permanent residence there.  My merciful and faithful Lord showed me a desperate woman much like myself.  This teaching the Lord gave me through His Word placed my feet upon His path leading to understanding, revelation and peace. 

There was a woman in the Bible who suffered with an issue of bleeding for 12 years!  It was unlawful during that time period to touch a woman or any object she had touched while she was bleeding; they believed if you did, you would be unclean.  See a woman was considered unclean during her monthly menstruation.  Now it doesn't say this in the Bible but based on law this could mean that for 12 years she had no physical touch.  Think about it, no hugs, gentle touches of encouragement, a friend to sit with and talk, potentially no contact.  To add insult to injury, she also had to notify people when she was in public that she was unclean so they would know to stay away from her.  Can you imagine the humiliation of having to call out, "UNCLEAN< UNCLEAN!"  out loud every time you left your home.  Every doctor's appointment, every shopping trip every time you just wanted some fresh air?  I believe she was at the end of her rope.  Twelve years of searching for answers to end up penniless, still plagued and all alone.  So desperate she believed that if she could just touch the hem of Jesus' garment that she would be healed.  She believed in the power He had that she had only heard about.  She purposed in her mind to touch Him.  The boldness of her desperation to reach out and touch a man in her unclean state!  I believe the crowd was so thick she probably ducked and squeezed and pushed with all her might and I personally have a picture of her in my mind:  On the ground lunging with all her might as she struggled in that huge crowd, her last stitch effort to grab Him and to catch just the hem of his cloak.  I can see her at the bottom of the crowd, crouched down in the dirt, puffs of dust all encompassing her as the crowd continued on.  She reached out and took hold of her healing!  Instantly she was healed and the bleeding dried up.  She felt it happen.  She was made whole with just one touch of His garments!  Revelation came as I read that story:   How much more can He touch me living right inside of my heart! 

Mark 5:30-34 says, "Jesus stopped, and said, "Who touched My clothes?"  The disciples were amazed because everyone in the city was pressed up against Him, who touched Him, everyone.  But Jesus knew power had left His body and into that woman who had faith enough to believe one touch from the powerful Jesus would heal her.

Can you imagine the fear she must have had because she knew also that she had touched him unlawfully?  The integrity she must have had to admit it was her who had touched Him.  She could have skipped all the way home never saying a word, but because she knew Who He was she fell at His feet trembling.  After she shared her story, He told her, "Daughter, your faith has made you well, go in peace and be healed of your disease."  I made a deep connection to this woman.  I wanted my desperation to cause me to be a greater woman of faith and to reach out and touch my Father for I didn't want to stay in my depression.  So, I just began to do what she did, I fell on my face and told Him, what He already knew, but I shared all my fears, I told Him all about my health issues and that one act of surrender gave me the boost in my faith I needed to get off the floor and begin to walk with Him again.  I will overcome by the blood of the lamb and the Word of my testimony!

This revelation was just one of many during this battle but its my most treasured.  I connected to Him as a little girl does with her Father.  I always knew Him as Father in my brain but this one moment with Him made Him Daddy in my heart.  This precious moment alone with Him took my relationship with Him deeper and I thought I was already as deep as I could go!  Just when you think you got Him all figured out He reveals His Glory in a new way.  Beloved, God will never fit into a box!  He's too big and He's too amazing. 

May you be blessed, see you tomorrow!

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Revelation to Reflection post 10 DVT Testimony

Depression hit me pretty fast although I didn't recognize it.  Its the deepest, darkest sadness I have ever experienced which is why, I didn't recognize it.  I've walked with the Lord a long time, I 've sat under tons of solid teaching and my head knows that my Creator loves me, heals me and cares for me.  Depression is an emotion that begins in the heart.  It put a wall between me and the Lord but I didn't see it.  Even though I was still in the Word and in the body of Christ at New Covenant Church I was allowing a distance to come in between me and the Lord.  He was never distant from me, I became distant from Him.  I stopped praying for my health to change, I stopped praying about most things. 

One day I became sick of myself.  Sick of hearing myself tell and retell the details of my illness.  I was sick of bed rest, sick of missing out, sick of the whole world having to revolve around me because I'm sick.  I was tired of watching my kids look at me with disappointment.  Children want their mommy to be vibrant, excited and full of energy to cuddle them and love them.  My poor kids had to watch their mom struggle with pain, be grumpy, miss out on a mothers energy to pick them up and play with them.  They had to tiptoe around me and wonder if their mom would ever get better or would she just die one day. 

My poor mother, even today, she fears her one and only will die and leave 4 precious little ones without a mom.  My mom has a heart of gold and no human loves me more than she does.  She doesn't have the Lord in her life to guide and comfort her so her fear is great.  I became sick of what my sickness was doing to her.

Eric, my wonderful, loving husband of 14 years.  He sure had it rough.  For some of this illness I was somewhat of an invalid, having to rely on him to walk, shower, get to the bathroom, get in/out of bed, give me my shots, do the evening shift with the kids once he got home from work and still go to work every day and work 10 hours while there!  No date nights for a while, no break, no time off.  I became another full time job for him.  On top of it all he had to watch me sink into depression amongst other pits!

As I grew sicker and sicker of myself and this venous disease I reached a breaking point.  I stopped caring about anything, I didn't want to be a burden on anyone any longer.  I got to the point of just waiting to die.  We serve a faithful God who just loved me despite myself.  He kept pricking my heart to read His word and seek Him and with an attitude I finally did.  I cried out to Him and said, "What is it Lord, what is wrong with me? Why cant I get over this?"  The Lord spoke to my heart and revealed that my clotted up leg was like a clogged drain.  The clot in my leg was a reflection of the condition of my heart!  There it was, as I looked at my swelled up, purple leg I saw a reflection of a clogged up heart discolored from the lack of light getting in.  There were many things clogging it up and preventing me from flourishing in all that God had for me.  The light had just pierced what was clogging my heart.  He revealed that I  was suffering with not just depression but unbelief, a shallow faith and fear.  You see, these things had been building the sicker I got.  The Lord was calling me to a deeper walk with Him, and if I am to pursue the calls He has for me, I had better get down to doing business in my heart!  So, I began a journey for understanding and help through studying God's Word and seeking prayer. 

When a pipe is clogged, what happens?  When you get enough force behind it the clog pops out and the flood gates open!  Amen!  This is when I finally pulled myself up off the floor and began to fight and resist the enemy so he would have to flee and I could get on with it! 

Tomorrow I hope to get into that search and take you to some of the places He took me on that search.  Thanks for your time, may you be blessed!

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Other fronts of attack... post 9 DVT Testimony

So, after all the surgeries thus far, meds and tests, how is the leg?  I am still in pain daily, I have one leg still very swollen and discolored, I don't get much sleep at night because of the pain, I am fatigued all the time and I still have more doctors visits and blood tests than I can count! The pain I have goes from numbness, pins and needles feelings, throbbing, aching and its the kind of ache that is just so relentless its almost as if the enemy himself embodies that pain and pushes till you feel like you will lose your mind!  There is nothing besides strong pain meds that will relieve the pain.  I am not a fan of pain meds, so I try to pray, think on scriptures and Bible teachings and just speak peace to my body.  I am successful some nights and others I wrestle with the pain all night.  My body is not the only front the enemy has attacked me.

Upon each surgery or admittance into the ICU there has been some kind of tribulation:  misplaced blood work results, wrong blood work ups drawn, orders for surgery being lost in cyber space, insurance refusal to allow surgery, arm veins so filled with scar tissue the nurse had to find another vein to start my IV and that just names a few.  Having to fight with my insurance company took the cake.  They wanted me to go to a hospital that was 40 minutes further away, use a surgeon I had never met and stay over the night 3 days rather than use the physician that had been with me from the very first day!  I have had to come to the hospital numerous times for pre-op blood work because the wrong orders were place, once they lost my samples all together.  Now, you tell me that there wasn't a dark force working to destroy me.  Here's the light, none of my treatments were ever hindered!  The Lord has a plan and nothing can change His will.

So we have accounted for the outside attacks, lets recap and take inventory of the attack on my body: Clotting mutations causing a disorder, May Thurners Syndrome, Scoliosis (genetic spine disorder known to pre-disposition one to clotting), resistance to blood thinners, veins predispositioned to scarring, and a clot the size of Texas that is building a fortress to try and take up permanent residence!  This clot is a squatter taking residence on my property, my body!  I mean, praise God squatters rights don't apply to what belongs to God!  The Bible says that my body is His Temple and this squatter is kicked out!  Eviction notice served!  The enemy has launched an attack I believe intended to completely destroy me and my family.  His intent was to kill me but guess  what, here I am, I serve a God bigger than my toughest fight.  The war the enemy unleashed on me has already been won by my Savior on the cross!

So what did I do while barrages of fiery darts were thrown at me?  This war is vile, vulgar and just wicked.  I would love to tell you that I raged my own war in retaliation on the enemy with strength and relentless stamina...that is not exactly what happened early on even thought I had amazing support.  I love my natural family, friends and my Church Family ( New Covenant Church-Hampton, VA).  My church family served me with meals 3-4 times a week for 4 months and for a week after each surgery.  They have prayed for me faithfully this entire year without ceasing.  My Mom has kept my newborn and my other girls for every surgery, doctors visit, scan and hospital stay.  My mother in law came everyday to get my kids on the bus, clean my house, feed my family and take care of me.  Friends came and fed me, kept me company and gave me hair cuts/highlights, done my shopping, taken me out shopping and taken care of me.  The healing room team at NCC has spoken encouragement to me, and have faithfully prayed over me and my family even when I haven't been able to  physically go to the prayer room.  I have had so much help and blessing that I couldn't possibly name every kind act done. There have been more people praying and sending me cards than I can count.  The Body of Christ carried and still carries this burden with me.

Despite all of the care and help I sank in and out of depression, indifference, lost my joy, lost my passion for life and for God.  I lost the desire to read His Word, I became short tempered, negative, harbored a shallow faith and unbelief.   You see, when things are good you don't really need faith.  You think you have great faith.  Faith is for when we don't understand our circumstances.  Faith is what we need when things are bad and when things go awry you really see what your faith is made of.  

Over the next few blogs I will go over lessons I learned along the way and how the Father pulled me out of the pit I was in.  This is really where my journey began.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

War rages on.... post 8 DVT Testimony

So I still have a clot the size of Texas at this point; the only thing left to do is pray and onward march!  I continued on with the shots, seeing my surgeon, regular scans and a total of 6 months of light bed rest. 

In my last posting I told you it was war didn't I?  So far I have been told by experienced professionals they have never seen a clot this big, I don't fit the bill at all for having this, and that most people with this kind of clot don't survive to even have surgery.  The professionals counsel you on warning signs as I am still living life with a clot that is not shrinking in my body.  More upper leg swelling, shortness of breath, skin color changes, increased pain, severe headaches and so on.  I woke up one morning with stabbing pains in the back of my head.  They continued all night and into the next day.  I happened to have had a Pediatrician appointment for Chloe that morning and had those stabbing episodes while he was in the room.  He was so concerned he called my surgeon directly and within an hour I arrived in the ER where the staff was waiting with a wheelchair at the door for me!  There must have been 20 people in the waiting room as they rushed me back.  All the tests revealed everything was fine and it was safe to go home.  This is just an example of how serious this is.  When you take on the fear that comes from the professionals who are just trying to educate you; you don't rest, no peace.  Every pain is important, every symptom has to be noted you no longer have confidence in your health any longer.  But where should your confidence be in the first place? If you faith is in the Lord and your confidence comes from Him you can walk through the trial of sickness with peace.  However, I was not there at this point in the battle.

A few weeks later a scan revealed new clots so another venogram surgical procedure was scheduled.  After this new development my team of doctors decided Lovenox was not working so it was time to take coumadin.  I began coumadin and went to a hematologist.  After a very thorough exam and blood work up all we could do was wait.  During that waiting time my hair began falling out, that went on for about 3 months!  My hairline receded, and I lost quite a bit of volume.  I noticed my brain function decreased.  It was almost like living in a fog.  If someone asked me a random question my response is on like a 15 second delay as now, I have to process what was just said.  I forget EVERYTHING.  Oh my, one of my giftings is a strong memory for administration uses.  I run a very tight ship and I just lost my footing.  I also noted that I was cold all the time, middle of summer, didn't matter just cold.  Fatigue settled in along with the new meds.  So, if I sleep a full night; 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep I will wake up and still feel like I only got 2 or 3 hours.  I am tired and weak most of the time.  My blood work up revealed that I have 2 protein mutations.  One is not usually a big deal but 2 becomes a clotting situation.  This mutation has been there since birth; do you see the hand of the Mighty Gods protection over me.  It was there hidden from everyone except Jesus!  So with these findings we know now why I re clotted.

A few months later, yes, I'm sure you guessed it; more clots!  This time my surgeon looked more closely at surrounding veins and stent placement.  My stents actually blocked the clot from entering my abdomen which would have surely meant Pulmonary Embolism!  If you don't see the Lord's protection over me at this point I just don't know what else I could say.  You can not deny His claim for safety over me, His daughter!  He noted that I had superficial veins that were just huge meaning I have been fighting clots in my body for years undetected.  Its the only thing that could explain the size of those veins that should be smaller.  It could have taken years for them to stretch that large!  He also  noticed I had grown a secondary drainage branch of veins, its rare to have a secondary system, GODS FINGERPRINTS!  Thank you Lord. 

Would you believe just 2 months later, more clots!  This time my surgeon decided to put a 3rd stent in, realign them together and use a stent that is plastic coated instead of metal.  This was done in the hopes of keeping the scar tissue from developing over the stent.  This time his vein study revealed that I have hypersensitive veins meaning, they love to scar, not only do they scar but the produce large amounts of scar tissue.  As they prepared me to go home my wound gushed so much blood the staff went into emergency mode.  I felt like a bad episode of ER!  The nurse shouted, "SHE'S A BLEEDER!!" and more nurses ran straddling puddles of blood and nearly sitting on top of me applying pressure.  One nurse ran right to the phone to talk to my surgeon and I ended up being admitted into the ICU!  At this point it is obvious to me the war the enemy has declared on me using my health.  Every fiery dart thrown, the Lord rescued me.    I mean using my own body to build a fortress of scar tissue around the blood clot making it virtually impossible for the meds to work!  If that's not war what is?

My team of doc's decided I need to be on a high amount of coumadin. Instead of being on a therapeutic amount of blood thinning meds they upped the anty so I'd be on a high dose of meds.  Normally a therapeutic level of coumadin puts your INR number of 2-3, 2 -2 1/2 being ideal.  My dose needs to have my INR close to 4!  The amount of coumadin I'm on is triple the normal amount someone my size should be on to have an INR of 4.  I follow the diet and rules that come with taking coumadin so the high amount isn't coming from outside sources.  My body has a resistance to coumadin forcing my dose up and up.  Did I tell you that coumadin is in rat poison?  No, I didn't did I?  Well it is.  I have been told, I will be on coumadin for the rest of my life, I'm 35 now.  Lets just say the long term side affects this drug potentially has not to mention the biweekly blood tests required while on this medicine doesn't exactly make me feel all warm and fuzzy! 

I just had my 7th venogram procedure 2 weeks ago.  The clot still in my pelvis is harder than a pencil eraser.  My surgeon, who is very skilled and highly trained, one of the leading specialists in this country, used a burrowing tool to try and burrow a hole through it and could not penetrate the clot.  My body is trying to fix itself with its own bypass vein system.  Those superficial veins are beginning to take over and decompress the leg but because they are so small, its very painful.  According to my surgeon it could take years of pushing the leg for the veins to be big enough to decompress my leg and move that large volume of blood with DECREASED, not no pain but decreased pain. 

The facts according to medicine are: I will face new clots (once you get one, chances are you are vulnerable for more), more surgery, skin ulcers, risk of internal bleeding, pulmonary embolisms, stroke, heart attack, aneurysms, chronic pain and the list continues.  They consider my case a Chronic Venous Insufficiency, (CVI) I have post phlebitic syndrome, or Post thrombotic syndrome from the DVT and the scar tissue it left.  At 35, I wear compression stockings, am on coumadin and regularly see a vascular surgeon.  The average age of his patients is 70! 

These are the facts according to the natural.  Good thing I desire to live by The Spirit!  Now we can dive into what the Lord had done and is doing.  I can talk about the emotions and the mountains I encountered in my heart through though this journey.  To be continued !!!!